How do you react to someone offending you? How do you react when someone does something bad to you? Do you immediately strike back? Do you tell everyone you know how bad this person is? Or do you talk with the person privately in an attempt to right the situation?
It seems people are offended every day by someone. People are offended by opinions, false statements, and even facts. If whatever is said doesn’t match their thoughts, they are offended. We have lost the art of debate, compromise, and appreciation for diversity.
During my early adult years, I was a young Marine. I was taught to praise in public and chastise in private. It is a good rule to live by. It is not new guidance nor did the Marine Corps invent it. Jesus gives us the same advice. In fact, He provides a four-step process for conflict resolution.
First, go to the person in private. Discuss what happened. Both listen to the other person and state your viewpoint. Try to work it out between the two of you. If that doesn’t work, step two is to gather a couple more people to talk with the person. These are not to be only those we believe will take our side. They are to be people who are well grounded in Jesus’ teachings. They are to be people who can be trusted by both sides.
The third step is to bring it before the church if there is no resolution. If the person still will not repent, they are to be treated differently. Often, people have looked at the fourth step as one of turning our back on the other person. However, that is not what Jesus says. Yes, we may keep them from being involved in the church community, but we are also to go in mission to them, doing our best to bring them back into the fold.
This method is for significant sin against us. It is not for trivial matters of opinion. The offending person must have committed a sin against us that leaders of the church and the church body would interpret as significant. Unfortunately, we often see splits in churches or relationships over opinions. Might I suggest we cease being offended deeply over opinion and seek to reconcile relationships as Jesus has taught us.
I pray we all seek to follow Jesus’ guidance. I pray we seek to reconcile relationships within the church. I pray each one of us will follow Jesus’ four-step process for conflict resolution. Seek resolution. Follow Jesus’ guidance. Do not allow opinions to rule. Be in mission.
Matthew 18:15 “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.”
Marty Pressey 